Then Joseph woke up. He did exactly what God’s angel commanded in the dream: He married Mary. But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby. He named the baby Jesus. (Matthew 1:24-25)
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Tying the knot.
Settling down.
These and other figurative expressions are part of the common narrative around marriage.
I think, though, that there’s a cultural mismatch in the story for most American Christian readers: we think of Joseph and Mary as already married. Husband and wife. Try the Sunday School question: “Who was Mary’s husband?”
“Joseph!”
“Correct!”
When we are introduced to them in the Scriptural account, we are familiar with them, and I’m going to guess that our default mental position is that we regard them as husband and wife. They had already ‘tied the knot’, and the knot would not (pun intended) be undone. Joseph and Mary were now going to settle down.
For key moments of their history in the early part of the Christmas story, they weren’t married. They were engaged to be married, which as we looked at earlier, for the Jew was similar to marriage with its commitment to consummate, later, but they didn’t live together until the knot was tied. They had declared for each other, but the time of marriage was usually a year or so in the future from the time they had declared their intention.
The generation of friends older than me seemed to have shorter engagements. Some I know got married two weeks after meeting! I guess their reasoning was “Why wait? We know we have found the one! We were made for each other! Let’s go!” When we meet Joseph and Mary in the story, they are in what we call their year-long engagement period. They were technically not married, and at the same time technically not single. (Yes, an interesting and somewhat bewildering context to be in. Sort of married, sort of not-married.)
The angelic visitation announcement convinced Joseph to give up any plans or ideas about divorcing Mary. (There’s another word commonly connected with the range of meaning related to ‘marriage.’ Divorce of an engaged couple was effectively a marital divorce, as it would separate the marriage partners permanently—even though they weren’t yet technically married. Divorce during engagement meant they weren’t going through with it. They would not be married.) As we looked at earlier in this series of meditations, Joseph had doubts that had crept in. Divorce seemed to be the appropriate response. But the angelic visitation and clear message “to take Mary as your wife” was the turning point for him, and he didn’t step away from the engagement-leading-to-marriage plan. He did the right thing, and stayed the course.
But he didn’t consummate the marriage. That’s another odd, unnatural part of this story. It is perhaps acknowledged, but as I’ve listened to Christmas sermons for over half a century, it seems that it is rarely mentioned. However, it needs some air time. Here’s how it went:
Joseph married Mary. We aren’t told the details of their particular Jewish wedding ceremony, and the guest list, menu, and what the bride wore. But we assume it was fairly simple and standard. Importantly, what we do know is that they went through with it. Then both had all the rights and privileges of marital love, bliss, and physical joining. They then presumably moved out from parents and shared a house together. However, we read these words in the story, “But he did not consummate the marriage until she had the baby.” Really? No touching leading to marital intimacy? This is another phenomenal part of the story. Maybe because it borders inside the “off-limits-subject-for-discussion” range for sermons, we don’t hear about it much. But it’s right there in the Bible.
Discussion about this seems to be taboo, even though their consummation was to be more than just a physical act, or the “act of marriage,” as Christian writers Tim and Beverly LaHaye called it in their book by the same name. This act of consummation was a picture of two people now becoming one flesh. Joined together. Inseparable. But I wonder if Joseph was thinking much about the glory of the figurative expression of “one flesh” as he grappled with the door being closed to natural fulfillment.
I say that because I don’t know that young men have changed much through the centuries in this regard. Try a modern test: ask a young man what he is mentally obsessed with and looking forward to the most during the first couple of weeks of marriage. Assuming the answer is what we all think it will be, picture Joseph and his dilemma: no consummation until the baby was born. Forget about waiting for wedding day! Groom, you need to wait nine months, plus a bit more after that as the wife recovers from childbirth. So, go ahead and buckle up. You need to unnaturally control your natural desires.
This non-consummation, this most unnatural marital couple physical response to their marriage, ensured the virgin birth. As New Testament scholar Craig Keener points out, the Scripture says that the virgin would conceive, and bear a son. Taken from one angle, it’s not just that the virgin would become pregnant, but also that during the bearing of child, the virgin would remain a virgin. The thought here is that she would bear a son as a virgin, thus literally fulfilling the Isaiah prophecy.
I hear the word ‘certainty’ in Joseph’s profile. He changed from some kind of certainty in his plan to divorce her, to a certainty to marry her. Then, there was a certainty that he would wait until after the baby was born to consummate the marriage.
God intervened, giving direction to this young couple to face a growing list of decisions needed which no one on earth had ever encountered. God provided the strength for Joseph to give both his support and leadership to this most unusual of all marital situations.
He married Mary. But it wasn’t a normal marriage.
For the Son of God was joining their family.
“Father, we are blessed and encouraged by the faith of this young Jewish couple. They trusted you, though their doubts must have been many, and monumental! They persevered, keeping to the road you laid out for them. Thank you for giving Joseph the wherewithal to marry Mary, despite a list of unnatural complications which accompanied that marriage. May we have the faith to trust you, like he did, like she did.”
Freddy Boswell 