Love does not behave disgracefully (verse 5). In demonstrating this agape love, the demonstration of character and behavior is one that shows out honor and not disgrace. The demonstration does not lead one to hide their eyes and say, “I’m embarrassed by him!” Or, “I heard that, and can’t believe it!” Or, “I don’t know what he was thinking; that is disgusting.” Or, “He said he loves me, but what he did is over the line, or he has gone way too far in that.” No, the agape love causes one (positively) to say, “That is what love looks like.”
“Does not seek the things of itself.” Love is primarily “others focused.” It may be a too much to say, and someone might stumble over the technical term, but it can become obsessive-compulsive (OCD) towards others. Our humanness seems naturally to be OCD towards ourselves! When Jesus said, “love your neighbor as yourself,” he knew the powerful intent and reality of loving ourselves! We are built that way, through and through. We are built to seek things for ourselves. But agape love is the opposite—we are seeking the good of others. We are placing their needs and interests above ours.
Back to verse 5, agape love “is not provoked.” Consider this dialogue: “I’m at fault! I’ll give you a piece of my mind! You are the one who did this!” “Why did you say that?! You are the one who….!” Agape love is not demonstrated that way (continuing on with the negatives of what it is not). It does not seize openings to exert itself, or go one up, or deliver the blow. When that slow pitch softball of something to criticize comes right down the middle of the plate, you the batter lay off and refuse to whack it out of the park—even though you might have the right to do so! And it would feel so good! And they deserve it! And you know you are right! And they are wrong! And they have provoked you—they picked the fight! But agape refuses to allow that to happen. It walks away from the provocation.
“Does not keep a record of wrongs.” Ah, another thing agape is not, it is not built on a scorecard. Whenever you get two humans together you have plenty of room for mistakes. Plenty of room for doing things wrong. Plenty of temptation and tendency to hold up examples of human behavior and say “You owe me one! [Now do something that shows you love me so that we can balance the scorecard.]” But that’s not agape. Let’s face it; humans get wronged by others. It happens; get used to it. Agape love does not respond with, “Bad move! I won’t forget this! You’ve goofed up, and you owe me for being so stupid!” Agape looks to the future, and burns the scorecard.
Freddy Boswell 