Honorable Fiancé

Joseph, her fiancé, was a good man and did not want to disgrace her publicly, so he decided to break the engagement quietly. (Matthew 1:19)

The Scripture says Joseph was a good man, and didn’t want to disgrace pregnant virgin Mary publicly (“I didn’t see that coming—a pregnant virgin fiancé?!”). So he decided to break the engagement quietly. He had to distance himself somehow from this not-looking-so-good-and-really-hard-to-explain dilemma, right?

There is a purity that runs through the Christmas story. It would have been a lot different story if Joseph had been a crumb, or Mary living a loose life, or maybe if we knew more about their families and relatives, and all that added up to some shady characters. But that wasn’t the case. There is a purity and a simplicity and a sweetness about them. We just know that she was a virgin, and he was honorable. He didn’t want in any way to make her ashamed or be subject to ridicule.

If he had sent her away, she would have been a single mom and stoned to death for her indiscretion. But he chose not to do that.

And, if he had, he would have a ton of questions to answer regarding his fiancé, who in Jewish culture was for all practical purposes his wife without physical union: “What happened to her, Joseph? Oh, wait don’t tell me…you just found out that…” There’s a sense that there’s not just a manly commitment to do the right thing, but a supernatural love for her that deepens and flourishes and shines. It puts him into position to endure his allegations of shame and say,

“This is my wife and I love her. And yes, she’s pregnant, and yes I’m her husband. And I will stay her husband.”

And for those who could listen and handle some more, he could say,

“God is at work. I certainly don’t understand the details or the big picture of what’s necessarily happening, but I accept it as His will and move forward, with her. And with my son who is in her womb. I will not put her away privately, but will publicly remain her husband.”

Craig Keener writes:

“Matthew thus invites his audience to consider and worship the God who accepted the ultimate vulnerability, born as an infant to humiliated and probably relatively poor parents into a world hostile to his presence.”

This honorable fiancé would do all he could to protect his vulnerable fiancé and child. He did so, even if it meant shame, rebuke, questions, whispers of scandal, and separation from family and friends. He was determined to do the right thing. God had made it clear to him what that right thing was, and the Scripture gives no indication that once he received his marching orders, he hesitated in following them.

“Father, thank you for the demonstration of integrity by the honorable fiancé, Joseph, during times of stress and decision-making—may we take heart in doing the right thing despite the costs.”